


Trust

by Eggling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 02:16:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14534508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: The Doctor loses his faith in his own abilities to save people, but Jamie is there to pick up the pieces.





	Trust

“Are you going to admit that you led us the wrong way?”

The Doctor took the mug of soup that Kalia was holding out to him, curling his fingers around it. The cold desert nights had a tendency to sap his energy, and he was grateful for any warmth he could get. He stared up at the cloudless sky, avoiding her question for a moment. “Yes,” he said at last. “Yes, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have spoken against your leaders.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Kalia’s eyes were hard, unforgiving. “What made you think there was something out this way?”

“I came to this planet once before, fifty of your years ago.” The Doctor stretched out a little, glancing around the dunes. Their small camp was the only sign of life for miles – and soon it would not even be that, he thought. Soon it would be just another ghost of civilisation on a dead planet. “I wasn’t counting on the war having destroyed the city, or turned the plains to desert.”

“None of us were.” Kalia frowned at him, then nodded, loosening the military straightness of her spine and sitting down beside him. “At least the children don’t know.”

“That we’re running out of food and water? That the scouts are going to come back with nothing, like they always do?” Studying the group of children playing some distance away, the Doctor shook his head. He smiled as he saw Jamie turn to quieten them, handing them their own mugs of soup. A moment later, he turned, revealing a little girl clinging determinedly to his back. “Children are wiser than you think. I rather suspect they know already.”

Kalia followed his gaze out to Jamie and the children. “How long have you known him for?”

His huff of laughter sent a plume of mist into the cold air, and he leant further back, watching it disperse. “It’s complicated.”

“Everything’s complicated with you. You don’t deserve him.”

“So you approve of him, but not me?” If the crushing weight of responsibility had been any lighter on his shoulders, the Doctor thought, he might almost have been hurt.

“He’s been more helpful than you have,” Kalia retorted. “Sometimes I think he’s done this before. Journeyed for a long time, when everyone’s trying to pretend it won’t end in death.” She looked at him curiously. “Where did you meet him? Did you do this to his people, too?”

“You’re right,” the Doctor said evasively. “I don’t deserve him.” After a moment’s debate, he settled on telling her the truth. “I saved his people. As many of them as I could, anyway. I don’t make a habit of dooming entire colonies to starvation, you know.”

“So you’re keeping him around to make yourself feel better.” The bitterness in Kalia’s voice struck at the Doctor, and he found himself unable to answer. “But that hasn’t helped us. Well, you’d better thank him for the soup, at least.” She got to her feet, wincing and brushing sand off her skirts as she limped away to shoo the children away from Jamie. The Doctor frowned after her, but the lines of worry fell from his face automatically as Jamie jogged over to join him.

“You seem rather popular,” he said, chuckling. Jamie grinned, sitting down and nestling against the Doctor’s side.

“It’d be nice if I didnae have things tae do. Anyway, Kalia’s taken over,” he added with a scowl. The Doctor raised his eyebrows at the disdain with which he spoke her name. “What did she say to ye?”

“Don’t you like her?”

Jamie shook his head, fighting a smile. “Her cooking’s rubbish.” He watched her stir the cooking pot for a moment, scrunching his face up in thought. “It’s no’ really that. She doesnae like ye, an’ she bosses everyone around like she’s one of the elders.”

“You must understand, the people here have had a very difficult time.” The Doctor waved his spoon around absently. “Kalia’s a soldier. They all are. It’s a difficult habit to get out of. I don’t appreciate it either, but we must learn to work with them.”

“Doesnae mean I have tae like it,” Jamie mumbled.

“No, you don’t take kindly to people ordering you around,” the Doctor said, smiling fondly. “I’ve learnt that quite well over the years, you know.”

Jamie shrugged. “I dinnae mind so much when they’re your orders.”

“That’s new. I ought to write it down, so I can remind you of it someday.”

“Dinnae expect me tae say it again.” Jamie sat up to steal a mouthful of soup from the Doctor’s spoon. “Mm. What did I tell ye? They’d be much worse off if they were stuck with her for a cook.”

The Doctor held his mug out of Jamie’s reach, trying to assume an annoyed expression. “Couldn’t you have gotten your own?”

“Kalia didnae give me a chance,” Jamie protested. He settled down again, and the Doctor tentatively brought the mug back within reach. “Anyway, ye usually have a good reason for doin’ what ye do. I trust ye.”

The Doctor’s hearts clenched in despair at Jamie’s faith. “I’m not so sure,” he said. “Do you really think I did the right thing here? For all these people?”

“Aye, ‘course I do. You’re tryin’ your best tae find something out here.”

“Oh, Jamie.” The Doctor shook his head. “There’s nothing out here. You saw what happened to the city we passed. I’ve led these people to their deaths.”

“Ye gave them hope,” Jamie insisted. “The leaders didnae even know if there had ever been a city out the other way. An’ we’re still alive, we might yet find something out here.”

The Doctor sighed. “Kalia was right, you know,” he murmured, more to himself than Jamie.

“Right about what?”

_I don’t deserve you_. The words stuck in the Doctor’s throat. A flurry of movement caught his eye, saving him from answering, though he slumped a little when he recognised the new arrivals, filled with sudden dread. The scouting party was scrambling over the ridge of the dune that sheltered their camp, silhouettes dark against the deep purple sky. “Whatever belief in me they had, it must be gone now.”

“I don’t think so.” Jamie was gripping his arm tightly, shifting as if readying himself to spring up from the ground.

“Oh, Jamie, it’s no use. There’s nothing out there -”

“I think there is.”

Only then did the Doctor take in the scouts’ excited gestured towards the distant mountains, the crowd of people clustering around them eagerly. “It’s not possible,” he murmured. “Those settlements were only temporary. They can’t have survived for fifty years.”

Jamie was beaming, holding his arm almost painfully tightly now. “I think ye were wrong this time, Doctor.”

Bursting into relieved, shaky laughter, the Doctor got to his feet. He felt as if his knees might give out beneath him at any moment, and clutched at Jamie for support. “I thought you had faith in me being right.”

“I wasnae so sure that ye were _right_ ,” Jamie explained. “I was sure that you’d figure something out and save them.”

“They didn’t seem so sure of that.”

“They dinnae know ye like I do.” Jamie frowned. “Hey, ye never told me what Kalia said to ye.”

“Ah.” The Doctor drew him close, pressing their foreheads together. “She told me I didn’t deserve you.”

Jamie snorted, pulling him into a proper hug. “That’s no’ true.”

“Quite the contrary. I’m inclined to believe her. I’ve done nothing to earn your trust in me.”

“’Course ye have. Ye cannae see it just now, that's all.”

The Doctor propped his chin up on Jamie’s shoulder, watching the celebrations. “We still have to reach the settlements, you know. There’s no guarantee that we’re safe now.”

“Aye, I know.” Jamie kissed his temple softly. “But you’ll get us there. I know ye will.”


End file.
